TK's Triple Entendre Plus...

Now I love a good double entendre as much as anyone, but I saw pic this on the Indycar.com website News page this morning and laughed... hard.


They even noted the double entendre on the website. I'm sure there are adults in that very newsroom (or wherever their news is made) having a good laugh at the pic and the triple entendre it carries. Without his expression, you could not have warped to the 3rd humor dimension. Now that I think about it, TK's car was on fire last week in Milwaukee which adds yet another dimension... WOW, quadruple entrendre! Love it!

I know it's an ad by 7-Eleven who is a sponsor of TK, but in a version for hetero-males, I'd have opted for driver Ana Beatriz. Oh, just happens I have a picture of me with her...


Look how thrilled she is (ha) to be taking a pic with some random dude with a fat head (me) at Indy during the rain delays of 2008. I can say she was very gracious and polite (and cute). I did my very best to be civil and polite as well but the beverage you may see in my hand was approximately #7 for the day already (no, it's not Fresca) and I am concerned I may have come off a bit too bold and informal in my approach to request a picture. Photo timestamp: Friday, May 23, 2008, 11:29:18AM. HEY, it's Indy weekend, don't judge.

It's Friday, enjoy yo'self! It's a celebration bitches!

Dummies' Guide to the Indy 500

That once a year phenomenon is upon us! In addition to the very easy and clear rules set forth by the Indianapolis Motor Speedway found here, here are my tips to survive and thrive in Indy next weekend:

Camping/Thronging- If you’re camping around the track, or thronging along Georgetown on Saturday night, it WILL be noisy until 3:30am, dirty or very likely muddy with all manner of fluids, crowded, and any portocans within a 1 mile perimeter will be demand the utmost courage to use. If this isn't your scene or can't stomach the potential for people-watching (like 'waiting for the trainwreck'-type watching) that this has, don't bother.

Gear Selection- Standard issue would have you prepared for any weather from bright sun to pouring rain and any temps from 40 to 90 degrees. One crucial item is all too often overlooked however is the cooler. Until the UN demands an immediate halt to styrofoam cooler manufacturing worldwide, there will be two shirtless clowns toting a beer in one hand while sharing the load of an overloaded styro cooler with the other. Without fail, said cooler will break amidst the eager throngs walking on a crowded sidewalk to the track on raceday. Attempting this fool’s feat risks public humiliation, or worse, losing all of your beer before the race.

Eating- Under no circumstance, no matter how hungry, drunk, silly, or tough you think you may be, I advise VERY strongly against eating the Giant Turkey Leg. Trust me, personal reference on this one.

Race Watching- There will be ALL manner of people (some who appear to be circus folk, in some cases) in multitudinous amounts - everywhere. Understand that you WILL have someone annoying, obnoxious, hairy, sweaty, or any combination thereof sitting near you. If not, consider yourself lucky. Also count yourself lucky if the women’s breasts you see don’t remind you of the long-term effects of a sedentary lifestyle, a history of breastfeeding, or gravity.

Exiting- The worst of all traffic won't be found trying to get into the Speedway, but out from after the race. Be patient. Relax, because you're not going anywhere for a few hours anyhow. Spend a while in the stands after the race. Watch the winner go by in the pace car. Get some pictures of the Greatest Racecourse in the World. Get some pictures of that obnoxious guy near you that passed out and is sunburned beyond belief.

PS - Remember to enjoy yourself and that 350,000 others are trying to do the same. It's a big day, but one to remember always.

PPS Damn, I love Indy. It’s a beautiful thing.

Milka's Back! (as is her front, and the rest :)

Milka Duno, whom I'll describe as Venezuelan Indycar hotness (and also oft dubbed 'moving chicane'), has been inserted into the #23/23t Dreyer and Reinbold entry for the Kansas race and quite likely Indy 500. Not much of a surprise really, but I will accept a half-point for getting this one right in my previous predictions.

Milka is known off the track for her abbreviated past in sports-car racing, multiple Masters degrees including engineering, connections to CITGO - the Venezuelan government's oil company, and for her... uh, invitingly ample physical attributes which often make hetero-males quickly take notice. On the track, many would consider her under-qualified, useless eye-candy, and even dangerous to others' (ahem) equipment.

I can only let history judge at this point and I'd have to say that the numbers show that no matter the shape of the terrain (road or oval course), she's off the 'race pace' by a noticable margin. I cannot attribute this to lesser equipment or team as other drivers who've filled in on the road/street tracks in the #23 have been more competitive in the same chassis.

I understand that a significant part of this autosport business is entertainment, meaning only a part is racing in its purest form. I don't mind her being part of the Indycar equation because I don't subscribe to the illusion that any major form of autosport in the world today is more about the racing and less about the entertainment. The ALMS is far closer in my opinion than even Formula 1. I see the ALMS as the closest thing we have to racing laboratories that will actually be translated into modern passenger cars, but that is a subject (read - argument) for another time.

Milka's participation in Indycar can be boiled down into a binary decision as a 'Yes' because I believe that to date, her positives outweigh her negatives. Positives being; a personality that brings fans from sources that were not interested in Indycar before, a sexy facade that garners attention and conversation, a racing pedigree that creates conversation amongst longtime fans of Indycar, and the almighty sponsor dollar into a team and sport that can use every bit of cash it can. Her negatives; subpar racing skills, semi-present on-track 'influence' (see moving chicane) of racing product (although it can be argued quite well that she is no different than many, many other slower drivers of the past).

On the whole, I'd rather she be here than not. I assume her colleagues would disagree, and thus ever shall be the dichotomy between pure racing and racing as entertainment. As a fan and race-watcher, I'll settle for the current condition of racing as entertainment.


PS Based on some of the images found for this post (like the one seen above), I wonder if something like this Indycar styling may be closer to truth in advertising...

'til next time...