Hey.
Yep, two days ago was my birthday. 41 as the title alludes to.
The title reminds me of the phonetic cipher-type of righting I oh-kay-shun-alley like two yous.
Hear gose,
For tea won. Knot a tree-men-does numb-her, butt won that is plant-he big form-hee. Eye guest-hat Eye half know choice, buh-tit seams a caws four paws. War-and-tee has run out Eye sup-hose sew it's kare-full may-ten-ants from hear awn out. Know two much drink-hee, or eat-hee, or play-hee an-heem-ore. 'Eye had m-eye fun and now my tie-him is dun' as the sawn-glee-rick goes. Oke-hay, Eye am ghett-hing tie-erd oft-his. Baah-k two sum nor-mull righting.
Ah, that's muuuch easier. And easier is welcomed in my advancing age. Junior geezer, is the name I've given the age range beyond 40 and below 50. Hope you don't walk on my lawn or you'll get the wrath of me - the newest junior geezer.
Till necks tie-hm...
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
Onion skins
While I very much enjoy the absurdity of The Onion, I'm fairly certain I could also write these stories. Maybe everyone thinks they are gifted with the requisite sardonic wit as well, but I really think if someone actually gets paid and makes a satisfactory living from it, I'm quite sure I've got a potential career path change just waiting for me. Here are some sample headlines I've just created in the last 4 minutes:
Gingivitis Rampant Among Shark Population
Sao Paulo Mental Health Center to Remove Brazil Nuts from Menu
Airlines Says Oxygen Mask Deployment Still Free of Charge
Nike Debuts new Ultra-wide Shoes named Air Gout
I'm quite sure a fabricated story could be written by me within about 10 minutes for any of these headlines.
I'm not trying to sound conceited - the question I'm trying to pose is, how hard can working for The Onion really be? Sounds like fun don't it?
Since my last name begins with a 'Z', I was always relegated to the back of the seating chart from elementary through high school and even some college classes. I surmise that, in a double-stroke of fortune, I also had quite good eyesight which allowed me the ability to learn from a distance and the freedom to goof around in the back row. I'm guessing many of the Onion staffers may have similar educational experiences.
Here's one more faux headline before I sign off:
New Onion Staffer Writes Story Bereft of Humour, Gets Fired, Returns to Blogging
Gingivitis Rampant Among Shark Population
Sao Paulo Mental Health Center to Remove Brazil Nuts from Menu
Airlines Says Oxygen Mask Deployment Still Free of Charge
Nike Debuts new Ultra-wide Shoes named Air Gout
I'm quite sure a fabricated story could be written by me within about 10 minutes for any of these headlines.
I'm not trying to sound conceited - the question I'm trying to pose is, how hard can working for The Onion really be? Sounds like fun don't it?
Since my last name begins with a 'Z', I was always relegated to the back of the seating chart from elementary through high school and even some college classes. I surmise that, in a double-stroke of fortune, I also had quite good eyesight which allowed me the ability to learn from a distance and the freedom to goof around in the back row. I'm guessing many of the Onion staffers may have similar educational experiences.
Here's one more faux headline before I sign off:
New Onion Staffer Writes Story Bereft of Humour, Gets Fired, Returns to Blogging
Friday, July 18, 2008
2 Qs - quantity and quality..
Ahhhh, well, so anyway, back to life...
Neither a post to complete the holiday weekend passed nor a vacation summary. I thank you for not judging my lack of persistence with the previous posts.
Suffice to say both were quite enjoyable, well-paced, and the details of which are too numerous and minute to make for good reading (I'd like to think no matter the writing talent).
The chief result that seems to be most noticeable by my friends is that I have a nice tan, my hair got even more blonde, and my most recent facial hairstyle has returned albeit in the warmth of summer, not in the dead of winter.
I've had more compliments on my appearance in the past 48 hours than in the previous 4 months combined. Hate to say it, but having a tan, while detrimental to skin life (or in worst cases even life in general), makes a difference in how people see you. White and pasty is apparently no way to go through life.
It begs the questions about quality of life versus quantity. I think it fair to say that everyone would obviously love to maximize both variables, but in practice the two are frequently inversely related. Think of your basic XY graph - where the X-axis (vertical) is Quality, the Y-axis (horizontal) is Quantity, and the line charted on the graph represents at what levels the two variables meet. I imagine for the 96% of people who fall in the first two standard deviations of a typical Bell Curve, the measurements would look something like this:
An example of this would be the use of sunscreen. My instinct and knowledge insist that, given my genetics, I need to wear sunscreen if I plan on being in the sun for more than about 30 minutes with no base tan of any sort. I followed through on that during the first 3 of the 6 days of vacation. The last 3 I opted for shade or clothing as a screen, albeit only after having actively participated in pool and beach activities for over 3 hours. I wasn't quite burnt, but mildly tender to the touch. If a bad sunburn (peeling/blistering possible) could be called 'well-done', let's say I was somewhere between 'medium' and 'medium rare'.
Even at the time, I noted my own guilt for being averse to the heavily-fragranced, time-consuming, and partner-requiring lotion applications, although for my kids, I made it a priority. So much for modeling good behavior, eh? The guilt was washed away, however, by the desire to enjoy myself without the concern for personal skin health. To me, I guess a vacation must include an amount of release from worry and fears at a potential cost down the road.
That's just what I did, and I enjoyed it. Quality 1 - Quantity 0. Since Quantity is a constant unknown, but Quality is frequently measured and monitored, I'd say that for the first two standard deviations of American folk, Quality will continue to be more heavily-weighed in decision making.
On an aside, I noticed that the curve also has similarities with the profile of a roller-coaster drop. Coincedence? Life is not a highway Mr. Cochran, it's a roller-coaster.
(Edit: Okay, so privately I've just been made aware that the x-axis is the horizontal and the y-axis is the vertical, not switched as I have them above. I totally knew that too and was surprised I had made that error as most people have an understanding that my brain contains wayyyy too much trivia such as the specific labels of an XY graph. Damn failing memory parts.)
Neither a post to complete the holiday weekend passed nor a vacation summary. I thank you for not judging my lack of persistence with the previous posts.
Suffice to say both were quite enjoyable, well-paced, and the details of which are too numerous and minute to make for good reading (I'd like to think no matter the writing talent).
The chief result that seems to be most noticeable by my friends is that I have a nice tan, my hair got even more blonde, and my most recent facial hairstyle has returned albeit in the warmth of summer, not in the dead of winter.
I've had more compliments on my appearance in the past 48 hours than in the previous 4 months combined. Hate to say it, but having a tan, while detrimental to skin life (or in worst cases even life in general), makes a difference in how people see you. White and pasty is apparently no way to go through life.
It begs the questions about quality of life versus quantity. I think it fair to say that everyone would obviously love to maximize both variables, but in practice the two are frequently inversely related. Think of your basic XY graph - where the X-axis (vertical) is Quality, the Y-axis (horizontal) is Quantity, and the line charted on the graph represents at what levels the two variables meet. I imagine for the 96% of people who fall in the first two standard deviations of a typical Bell Curve, the measurements would look something like this:
An example of this would be the use of sunscreen. My instinct and knowledge insist that, given my genetics, I need to wear sunscreen if I plan on being in the sun for more than about 30 minutes with no base tan of any sort. I followed through on that during the first 3 of the 6 days of vacation. The last 3 I opted for shade or clothing as a screen, albeit only after having actively participated in pool and beach activities for over 3 hours. I wasn't quite burnt, but mildly tender to the touch. If a bad sunburn (peeling/blistering possible) could be called 'well-done', let's say I was somewhere between 'medium' and 'medium rare'.
Even at the time, I noted my own guilt for being averse to the heavily-fragranced, time-consuming, and partner-requiring lotion applications, although for my kids, I made it a priority. So much for modeling good behavior, eh? The guilt was washed away, however, by the desire to enjoy myself without the concern for personal skin health. To me, I guess a vacation must include an amount of release from worry and fears at a potential cost down the road.
That's just what I did, and I enjoyed it. Quality 1 - Quantity 0. Since Quantity is a constant unknown, but Quality is frequently measured and monitored, I'd say that for the first two standard deviations of American folk, Quality will continue to be more heavily-weighed in decision making.
On an aside, I noticed that the curve also has similarities with the profile of a roller-coaster drop. Coincedence? Life is not a highway Mr. Cochran, it's a roller-coaster.
(Edit: Okay, so privately I've just been made aware that the x-axis is the horizontal and the y-axis is the vertical, not switched as I have them above. I totally knew that too and was surprised I had made that error as most people have an understanding that my brain contains wayyyy too much trivia such as the specific labels of an XY graph. Damn failing memory parts.)
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