Onion skins

While I very much enjoy the absurdity of The Onion, I'm fairly certain I could also write these stories. Maybe everyone thinks they are gifted with the requisite sardonic wit as well, but I really think if someone actually gets paid and makes a satisfactory living from it, I'm quite sure I've got a potential career path change just waiting for me. Here are some sample headlines I've just created in the last 4 minutes:

Gingivitis Rampant Among Shark Population
Sao Paulo Mental Health Center to Remove Brazil Nuts from Menu
Airlines Says Oxygen Mask Deployment Still Free of Charge
Nike Debuts new Ultra-wide Shoes named Air Gout

I'm quite sure a fabricated story could be written by me within about 10 minutes for any of these headlines.

I'm not trying to sound conceited - the question I'm trying to pose is, how hard can working for The Onion really be? Sounds like fun don't it?

Since my last name begins with a 'Z', I was always relegated to the back of the seating chart from elementary through high school and even some college classes. I surmise that, in a double-stroke of fortune, I also had quite good eyesight which allowed me the ability to learn from a distance and the freedom to goof around in the back row. I'm guessing many of the Onion staffers may have similar educational experiences.

Here's one more faux headline before I sign off:

New Onion Staffer Writes Story Bereft of Humour, Gets Fired, Returns to Blogging